Ryan wants to be like Andrew!

Friday March 20, 2010

Went to Willies with my dear friend Jen and her four children. Ryan had his letter board. We ate and played in the arcade area that night. Andrew one of her children asked Ryan .. hey do you want to come play a video game forgot the name of the game he said.. .. Ryan to my surprise said YES on his board.

See before.. I would have answered for him and said oh..Ryan doesn't play video games..He is into TV and swinging and swimming. I was surprised he wanted to go. He and the other kids and his sister went over there.. our table was right in front so I watched him the entire time.

Next conversation was Andrew telling Ryan he is running track and I said we are going to have to come and check you out. The kids loved the letter board and Ryan being able to talk to them.. Andrew really wanted to hold the board and just talk to Ryan so I let him and Ryan focused and spelled out answers to his question while prompting his focus to attend... very noisy and many distraction at Willies..WOW.... he did great at pointing! What a fun time .. Ryan was very happy and me too.

That night we get in the parking lot and I said is there anything you want to say to Ms. Jen, and he spells to her: THANK YOU FOR LIKING MY MOM. yep... he was thanking her for being my friend and liking me.........

Next morning we woke up and Ryan said the following:
when I asked what do you want to do today:
I DO NOT WANT TO SIT AROUND ALL DAY.. I said OK.. lets make a schedule of three things you want to do today he spells STORE and I said get what SPRITE
PARK
RUN TRACK

I said Wow Ryan that is so cool.. I didn't know you want to run track do you know what that looks like or what it consists of and he spells :PRACTICE yep lots of that .. hey that is just like Andrew .. he runs track.. and he said YES.

Do you think he was listening to Andrew. Do you think our kids want to feel like they belong and do what other kids do ... you bet they do!!!

Yes we can keep it between us....

One of the special times in a Mom's life is when you have those very private conversations. When they ask you not to share their deepest personal thoughts.This was one of those things that I thought after seeing the silencing effect of Autism on my Ryan... that I would never ever experience. We would never be able to share that special bond. Well, I am here to tell you........I was wrong.

Today March 21st, 2010 Ryan shared with me sitting on the floor next to the sliding glass door his feelings and I asked if I could share this with Dad and Ashley because Ashley minutes earlier she just asked what we were talking about.. and he said:
I DO NOT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN
THEY MAY ACCIDENTLY TELL _____________. (spelled it wrong but I knew)

So, it is personal and private ..only between me and Ryan.

Again.......I have to tell you Mom's and Dad's, ...... I think about that day three years ago when I decided to try yet again another approach RPM. When at that moment I was crying afraid not to try yet exhausted to start something new... I honestly feel sick to my stomach.... what if I had given up on trying and thought this was it. His life would consist of making food choices and limited to that I want strip........ and a tech device. What would his life be like.. Don't give up.

Mean is Not Important!

Ryan told me he would rather read stories then do puzzles at school so.. I got a new book Core Curriculum third grade level to read! The book has a bunch of new stories!!!

So I asked him what do you want to do? .. Just to let you know.. the flow and structure of our teaching time has changed to a more relaxed and much more enjoyable experience. It's because I feel more confident. I have improved at doing RPM so hooray... two and a half years it took....but that is OK... it is a skill that has to be developed and each new phase he goes through I had to learn.. so ..Its all Good!

So.. skipping lots of details to get to the really cool stuff........... Was reading the story,
" The People could Fly". Quickly realized.........this was not about a fun topic but about slavery! So the story talks about an overseer who has a whip ..( I know I am thinking..what have I gotten myself into here!!) It shares that the slaves picking cotton had a magic word and when the overseer was about to be mean to them they could fly into the air like eagles. It shares how the entire group found freedom lifted their wings and flew away back to their home in Africa.

So, after this story I am thinking..well lets discuss what "mean" is and let's see if he has a clear understanding.. hmm .. starting to begin testing him A HUGE NO NO NO NO... AND then I said to Ryan...what do you think is "mean".... and he put me in my place...

Ryan spelled out: MEAN IS NOT IMPORTANT.

Wow.. how mature is that....

I said.......yeah your right....who really wants to talk about that anyways!! and he said:

I THINK I ENJOY MOST STORIES THAT ARE NOT NEGATIVE.

Yep, he was NOT going where Mom wanted to go. He very wisely kept the conversation on a more mature focus. He was beyond that ... WOW.. his ability to think, reason and motor plan at the same time is really growing this last month.

Sad when you own child knows BETTER then you do!

Was about 9:30pm.... Ryan was not tired seemed to have gotten a second wind. He was upstairs with us, then went down in the basement. Paul and I were talking...well more like bickering . yes... loudly. Of course, what we were having our disagreement about was of course...........so stupid... which makes this situation even worse.......

Ryan came back upstairs and we were sitting in the morning room bantering back and forth.......... Ryan walks up to Paul and puts his arms around his neck, as he is sitting on the computer chair and starts making intense loud sounds ...like he is trying to talk to us.. So Paul said... Ryan I know you are trying to talk to us.. . Mom and Dad will be quiet... were sorry ... and I said.. here ..tell us what do you want to say... go ahead you just tell us..( trying to convey with my words a sense of courage in him to say what he really thinks).... and here we go:

MOM DAD STOP FIGHTING.

Well.. that about sums it up........doesn't it................yes my son who has Autism is teaching us how to behave!!! We apologized to each other in front of Ryan.. We hugged each other ..big group hug, me, Dad and Ryan and said.. your right Ryan..

I am only sharing to let those who read this blog know..........our kids are in there and they see and they understand ... And this is why I am spending time writing this blog which is not something I love doing. I do it for one reason....... we would have never known Ryan's thought or feelings or emotions if it was not for RPM. Ryan has a VOICE!!!!! Ryan and our entire families life has changed ..go to HALO...

Walking in the Rain!

Last week.. needed to get out of the house, feeling kinda stressed had been inside all day... the phone was ringing off the wall.. etc. So on a whim .. I said come on Ryan lets go for a walk.. I had our letter board this time.. Ryan always pulls me to my neighbors house so I thought instead of the pulling thing .. he can tell me on the board. Well we get out the door and yep it is raining .UHHH.. So I said..No .. we are going to walk..just around the cul-de-sac and back.. Kinda cool I told Ryan...grabbed the umbrella and off we went...

Well we walked and went past our neighbors house and no pulling hmm.. then we made it to the bus stop and I said OK..let turn around time to go home. Well Ryan grabbed my hand and kinda flung it to the right .. I knew what that was about.. the rain had stopped surprisingly enough ... so I said... OK... if you want to go there you need to tell me...........So there we were under the umbrella at the bus stop with our letter board and pencil and he points: SWING AT PARK. Well, how can you say no to that!! Off we went in the dark to the park! I was so impressed he could communicate to me and had the ability to know which way the park was in the most awkward of situations..under an umbrella in the dark at the corner of our street... So as we went I said. you lead me.. which way is the park? Right? Left? Straight? Ryan pointed STRAIGHT.. On we went..OK.. what side of the road is the park on.. Right or Left? Left? Yep..dead on.. We made it to the park and for sure we were swinging and swinging ..in the dark...but we had fun!

Coming home I asked him...OK smarty which side of the road is our house on ..RIGHT.... yep he was "right" again!! great night!